"The Tao has no boundaries; words do not have constant meanings. But because people want to say, 'this is...', boundaries were created. Let me tell you about these boundaries. There is left and right; there are theories and debates; there are divisions and disagreements; there are victories and defeats. The wise person does not deny these boundaries, but pays no attention to them." - Chuang Tzu on Taoism

I'm so inconsistent with this journal! Life is an enormous inconsistency, as am I. Life is okay. My life will completely change in less than a month because I'll be going to France. The country I've often dreamt about...I only believed I would see France in a very long time, when my life is half-over. It is real. I think the only time it will seem real is when I look up and see the Eiffel Tower. I'm very emotional about this!

Time truly is fleeting. There are moments when I would do anything to take time back. Why, then, do I always rush through my days, hoping that tomorrow will be better? It is because I don't enjoy school. Yes. That is it. I hate school. I want my life to be an adventure! My life is so boring! The excitement of my day is when a friend will have (not so) shocking news, "Oh my God...did you hear about blah blah blah?" I've always hoped I would never resort to that, but I have.

I believe that no one ever changes. I've been told, "Wow, you've really changed" more times than I could count. I just think the whole idea of "changing" is ridiculous. No one knows me better than myself. That goes for everyone in the universe, as well. Since the day I was born I've always been Anne, I'll always be Anne. I've just learned more about myself as life goes on. I've developed scars, I've cried a million tears, but I am still Anne. So, of course I've changed! Everyone changing constantly should cancel out the idea of "changing." (wow...not sure if I'm making sense) How can one stay the same? Please, prove me wrong. :)

I always forget how time consuming school is. For the past two months, I've been studying, doing homework, and working. With that said, I've been stressed out. In fact, this past week has been one of the worst weeks I've ever had. =( I'm fervent to move on with life!

The only thing that can consolidate my sorrows is there is one week until winter vacation! I could not be more ready for a vacation. I didn't want to go out tonight because my life consists of school and other people...then I have to ask my self what about me? I'm very content not hanging out with anyone tonight.

Tonight, I'm going to write my speech on "The Endangered Gray Wolf: Reintroduction, Controversy, and Recovery" and then I will continue reading Cao Xuequin's The Dream of the Red Chamber. Ahh...relaxation! :D

I'm going to France next spring! I'm so happy!

p.s. this entry is subject to elaboration when I have time

School is school but it's not too bad, I believe it will be a good year. I'm not going to go through a long description of how school has been since I last updated because that seems like a long time ago. Yesterday was Writing Works Tutor Training Day and it was joyous. I am very gracious for being nominated. You can never be quite sure if your writing is good because many people think their writing is good. I hate the way I type online because it's so sparatic and awkwardly phrased...that's just how my mind works. My teacher last year would always say "You write like Shakespeare." I'm not sure Shakespeare deserves to have me associated with him.

School starts again tomorrow and every time I think about it I start to hyperventilate. Summer is such a social bubble *hehe* because you have the choice to see who you want to see but during school there are just so many people I don't care about. I'm not shy, at first I can be, but I think I'm a little afraid of people. High school was such a dramatic change from when I went to a Catholic school for 11 years that I think I really haven't settled in. I have had the best summer of my life and I really feel wiser than before. I think I'm going into Junior year pretty well: great friends, license, job, etc.

High school is not that big of deal to me. I shouldn't be nervous for tomorrow...but I am. :3

I wish I didn't have to write about the previous entry, but it was just weighing on my mind. This sad predicament is getting better with each day but it still sucks. It's hard to pretend like it didn't happen. :(

Thursday was my mom's birthday, who's rather depressed, so my brother and I threw her a surprise party. She doesn't like gifts so we thought a party with her family would help her get out of the funk she's in.

Yesterday, I went to my second cousin's graduation party at their lakehouse. My great uncle is a millionaire so the party was quite exquisite. There was an amazing live band and it was fun to dance with cousins. :D

Today, I started my new job at the animal hospital. I like it and it's the perfect job for me...I get to see puppies all day long! It's very strenuous work: I have to walk dogs, clean cages, feed dogs/cats, do laundry, wash dishes...pretty much all of the bitch work veterinarians won't do. That's cool with me, though. :3

I got back from Michigan on Friday. It was a fun trip because I was with my family and we went to the beach everyday. My brother slept over at a friend's house which my parents were rather weary about. Saturday morning, 5:30, my parents got a call from the police station. My brother was drunk driving. He hit a parked car head on and totaled his car. Somehow, he survived. If you see pictures of my brother's car he should have died...it truly is a miracle. All hell broke loose in my house: my brother is depressed, my mom is going psycho, my dad and I are trying to calm everyone else down. Now, I have to drive my brother everywhere, I don't mind helping him out~I can't imagine how he feels.

I'm too optimistic. I believe this happened so my brother will realize that he has to appreciate the life he is given. Doing drugs, drinking, and trying to fit in isn't going to get you anywhere. He is off to college in a couple weeks and I hope he will stop screwing off. He should at least try to make a good life for himself. "Accept the things you cannot change, courage to change the things you can." - Serenity Prayer

Sometimes I wonder why my life has always been filled with pain, but I know it only makes me stronger.

Mark Twain - "...the events of life are mainly small events--they only seem large when we are close to them. By and by they settle down and we see that one doesn't show above another. They are all about one general low altitude, and inconsequential."

:3 A little wisdom from Twain. Sometimes life gets us down but you just have to get right up again. I'm sure many of you are aware of the saying "Live today like it's your last." Believe me, I wish I could live everyday as if I had nothing holding me back. But realistically, you can't do reckless things without consequences. I know I'm taking the quote too literally...somebody save me from myself! I decided I'd rather not see the entry I wrote before everyday I look at my journal, so I decided to use my rusty writing skills. Tomorrow will be great. Victory is mine!

Today, Sarah's aunt and uncle took us to The Field Museum, in Chicago, to see the Tutankhamun exhibit. It was truly amazing. Ancient Egyptian culture is so complex and I find the way they view death fascinating. When I look at such ancient artifacts, I want to cry. It's just so touching to me; there's a certain aura to it I can't explain. Yes, I'm emotional. Imagine touching something that's 3000 years old...this is a feeling I want to know. I'm planning on becoming an archaeologist for a couple of reasons.

Why I Want to Become an Archaeologist:
1. Discover new things. Even though it sometimes seems like this world has nothing left to discover, I don't think so.
2. Travel all over the world. This is my main goal in life.
3. See different cultures and languages. There is so much beyond what Americans know.
4. Help history. I love history and by finding proof of history, I think that's an achievement.

Archaeology is a changing science, unfortunately. It is involving more lab work as time goes on. All I know is that right now in my life, I am determined to become an archaeologist but in one year my aspiration might change. "You'll still be here tomorrow, though your dreams may not." -Cat Stevens

Tomorrow, I'm getting my driver's liscense. I'm scared...I just need to relax. ;D